Real Exposure

I'm not a big fan of reality shows, in part because generally when one of them is on in place of a drama or sitcom, fewer actors get work. But when I received an invitation to audition for a reality show about acting, I decided to go for it. Sure, there was the risk of ending up an episode featuring embarrassing clips from the losers' auditions, a la American Idol. Even worse, it might have turned out be like that horrible WB series where contestants thought they were competing to be chosen as the best singer but they were really competing to be named the worst for the amusement of the television audience. But then I reminded myself that I'm pretty much maxed out on humiliation at this point. There's not much more they can do to me. And it could even turn out to be legitimate. In any case, there's the promise of some pay and exposure and the possibility of it leading to bigger things. So I put together a mini stand-up routine and polished up a brand-new dramatic monologue that I thought would really set me apart. (There would also be a solo improv component to the on-camera audition). I got to the audition location in plenty of time, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to run through the monologue one more time, out loud, but I didn't want to disturb the other auditioners, and I was too self-conscious to rant outside on the sidewalk, so I walked down the hall and into the restroom. Well, as long as I was in the restroom, I figured I might as well empty my bladder. So there I was engaged in passionate soliloquoy and bodily discharge when the session runner opened the door, interrupting the verbal stream if not the liquid one. It was a small room and the urinal was situated so that he had a comprehensive view from the doorway. His eyes got wide and he stammered a little, but I guess I really don't embarrass as easily as I used to because I just smiled pleasantly and said I thought I had locked the door but obviously it didn't latch properly. A few minutes later I was standing before the camera as if nothing unusual had happened. I got laughs during my stand-up and improv and a wow after my monologue. When I was done he said I was definitely in the top 5 percent he had seen.

A couple of weeks ago, one of the members of the crew of a short film I acted in asked me to be in his short film. In the previous project, I played a father who was eager for his son to come out of the closet. This time, I play someone who isn't ready to accept it at all. The moment where my character finds his home filled with half-naked young men dancing to techno music made me want to laugh during rehearsal, but I think I pulled off being suitably disturbed on camera.

Nov. 22 Final Improv Show of the Age!

That's right, Improvisation Inundation's next show will be the last one we do in the G.W. Bush years before the dawn of the Obama era, and that's an absolute guarantee (unless we have another show scheduled that no one has bothered to tell me about)!

The Office Sports Bar & Grill
2106 North Tustin Avenue
Santa Ana , CA 92705
Cost: $10

[Map]

Come join us for an evening of improvisational comedy fueled by audience suggestions! Arrive early and have dinner and drinks. Food and beverage service will continue through the show. Reservations suggested. Call (714) 834-0943

Come Again?

Lordy, here's a blast from my past:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6f2rl_yn1c.

You never know what's going to show up on YouTube.

Anne Opportunity to Save Some Green

Tickets for Anne of Green Gables - The Musical are on sale now. Readers of this blog have two ways to save up to $25 on the best seats in the house.

Ticket prices are:

Section A: $45 ($35 group rate, $20 early purchase)
Section B: $35 ($25 group rate, $20 early purchase)
Section C: $25 ($20 group rate, $20 early purchase)

Groups (10 or more) get 2 free tickets for every 8 purchased at the group rate.

The early purchase price is only valid until November 14 and is only available online. Visit https://www.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/59312/prm/avonlea.

I'm Going to Avonlea!

Regular readers of this blog (if such fabulous creatures were to actually exist outside of my imagination) may recall my account of an audition gone awry during which I performed an inappropriate monologue. This was actually my third audition at this particular theater, and I more or less decided I was going to be permanent persona non grata. To my surprise, I got a callback, but not to my surprise, I didn't get the part. Within days, however, I did get a part (multiple roles, actually) in another show at another theater, so I was happy. Just a few days before the sold-out final performance of that show, I got an unsolicited call from a director at the first theater inviting me to come to an audition. Who am I to pass up another chance for rejection, I thought. So I went in not really expecting much, came out about five minutes later expecting less, and within a couple of hours I found myself cast in Anne of Green Gables - The Musical! I play the title character. No, I don't really. I may only have a couple of lines. I haven't seen the script yet. I'm just excited to be part of it. More news as the story develops.

ANNE OF GREEN GABLES

Dec. 18 and 19 at 8 p.m.
Dec. 20 at 2 p.m. and 8 p.m.
Dec. 21 at 2 p.m.
The Heritage Forum
201 E. Broadway Ave.
Anaheim, California


Tickets available online.

For more information, go to chancetheater.com or call (714) 777-3033.

Watch Me Heat Up the Screen! (Discovery Channel 10/27/2008)

I haven't seen the episode so I can't say how long I'll be on the screen, but there have been reported sightings of me in a promo.

Investigation X: Spontaneous Human Combustion
Monday, Oct. 27, 10 p.m.
"Can people spontaneously burst into flames that rise from within their own bodies? Investigators apply the latest technology in search of answers to the spontaneous human combustion phenomena."

Smokin'!

Can't Sleep - NIGHTMARES!

The house was filled to capacity for the opening of Nightmares at the Gallery Theatre. It was great to see Ron and Liz Breach, Mary Margaret Steele, and Mike McCulley in the audience. There were lots of laughs and gasps and not too many gaffes, and nobody got hurt too badly. Of the five vignettes that I was lucky enough to be cast in, I'd have to say "Stay" was the most fun. It's creepy, but very playful. The feedback I got was that it was a lot of fun for the audience too. "Writer" a.k.a "Run" is the most challenging in terms of layers, emotional turns, and intensity, but it seemed to work. It was the piece that really drew me into the production, although Sue Silva has written several funny/creepy/scary original scenes for this show. To anyone still planning on attending, please call 714-630-9870 and book now. The reservation list is nearly full for Sunday and I'd hate for you to miss out!

NIGHTMARES - only 2 shows left!
October 26 @ 8 p.m. - $10 (cheap!)
October 31 @ 8 p.m. - $15 (includes after-show festivities with cast members)
THE GALLERY THEATRE
3152 East La Palma - Suite G
Anaheim, CA 92807

UPDATE: Sold out! Thanks for your support.

Nightmares Tonight!

Will Ronnie act his age? Will Anthony knock it off? Will Davis finish what he started? Will Greg cause trouble? Will Barney ever come out of the bathroom?

Starting tonight, October 23, you have only three chances to find out the answers to these burning questions, and the reservation list is filling up fast.
Call now. Don't make me use italics again.

NIGHTMARES
October 23 or 26 @ 8 p.m.
- $10 (cheap!)
October 31 @ 8 p.m.
- $15 (includes after-show festivities with cast members)
THE GALLERY THEATRE
3152 East La Palma - Suite G
Anaheim, CA 92807
Call for reservations: 714.630.
9870

Living Nightmares

Straight from the subconscious to the stage, bad dreams come to life just in time for Halloween. Like last year's Nightmares, every scene is based on someone's actual nightmare, but these tales are all new for 2008 and the body count is much higher. I don't want to give anything away, but I play an adult who's very much in touch with his inner child, a man with serious family issues, a writer with a vivid imagination, a dude who's a bad influence, and a guy who's dying for a cup of coffee. Let's just hope I remember who I'm supposed to be, let alone my lines.

NIGHTMARES
October 23, 26, 31 @ 8 p.m.
The Gallery Theatre
3852 East La Palma - Suite G
Anaheim, CA 92806
Reservations (strongly recommended): 714-630-9870
Thursday & Sunday admission: $10 (cheap!)
Friday (Halloween) admission: $15 (includes after-show festivities)

Do Over!

We were scheduled for a two-day shoot in the beautiful Manhattan Supper Club, but thanks to the hard-work and talent of the cast and crew, we wrapped in one. So, after patting ourselves on the backs and exchanging pleasantries, we went our separate ways looking forward to a well-deserved day off. Two days later, we gathered in a residential neighborhood of Orange to film another scene and learned that there had been a problem with one of the cameras and some of the footage might be unusable. So the night's shoot suddenly grew by several hours as we shot a new dining-room scene and a completely new, semi-improvised ending. I was a little apprehensive, thinking that the previous shoot had certain qualities that would be difficult to recapture, but I left thinking the new footage was even better. It felt like we were even more relaxed with each other and comfortable exploring and heightening. Kudos to the director for bringing together a group of strangers with the chemistry to function as a convincingly dysfunctional family. After the final night of shooting, I got good news from the director: both night's footage looked usable after all, and he's planning on editing two different versions. I'm looking forward to seeing both of them. It's not often I get a twofer.

Another Saturday at The Office

Yep, it's time for some improvisational fun and games. The venue is a full-service restaurant, so you can have dinner before the show and buy me drinks afterward, if so inclined.

Improvisation Inundation
Saturday Sept. 27 @ 8 p.m.
The Office (http://theofficeoc.com/)
2106 North Tustin, Santa Ana
714-843-0943 – reservations highly recommended
Admisssion: $10. I have a limited supply of 2-for-1 tickets available on a first-come-first-serve basis.

Cheers,
Keith

Opening the Vaults

Hey, kids, maybe you've wondered what Keith was doing when he was your age. Maybe you've wondered if Keith was ever your age. Maybe you've wondered when Keith started referring to himself in the third person. Well, some old footage is now available on the Internet that won't actually answer any of those questions. I'm not sure where I was going with this.

The Return of the Monologue From Hell

What are these words I hear coming from my throat against my will? What horror has been unleashed? The first time I had to do a prepared comic monologue as part of an audition, it didn't go over so well. I was trying out for a part in a holiday production at a theater that, although small and tucked away in a nondescript office park, manages to get a lot of awards and recognitions from local media. Unfortunately, the only comic monologue I had ready was one dealing with anger and disappointment and sex - mostly sex - and probably wasn't what the director wanted to hear. Frankly, I wasn't that thrilled with it myself. When I finished, the director flatly said, "Thank you," which I mentally translated as, "Please leave and don't come back." But I came back this year, determined to correct the mistakes of the past, to audition for a brand-new holiday production. I took center stage, stood tall, and begin speaking - the same damn monologue. It wasn't what I had planned; I had chosen a nice, lighthearted one for the occasion, but somehow the first accursed line just popped out. I felt powerless to stop or turn back, so went on, in horror, to the bloody end. Somehow I got a callback. Perhaps the curse was broken? But no, it seems I haven't been cast. Isn't that just like a curse, to make you think you've escaped, and then bam, it gets you after all.

Working Late at the Office Again, August 9

Improvisation Inundation is doing another show at The Office. We'll be combining old favorites with brand-new games to create a hearty improv stew. ($10 a bowl. Actual food available at additional charge.) The show starts at 8, but you can start drinking at 6:30 to sharpen your comedy appetite. Reservations recommended.

The Office Sports Bar & Grill
2106 North Tustin Avenue
Santa Ana , CA 92705

714/834-0943

Yesterday I auditioned for a commercial in which I was supposed to be an automotive engineer whose wife thought he was cheating on her because he was spending so much time at the office, but he was really working on how to improve a car that couldn't be improved because it was already perfect, but when he gets home his wife gives him a suspicious look and he's supposed to react, but not too much, because the director wants it to be subtle, but enough so that the viewer instantly knows what's going on, but make it funny, but not too funny, because it's supposed to be real, but not too real, because that would be sad. So I just looked tired (because he was working late), hungry (it was suppertime), and confused (because he didn't know what her problem was), which I thought would be easy because I was tired (it was kind of a stressful day), hungry (I'd skipped lunch) and I really could not understand what the director wanted. I haven't gotten a callback, so maybe I didn't look tired, hungry, and confused enough. Or maybe I looked too tired, hungry, and confused. Or maybe I looked too tired, not hungry enough, and just as confused as I was supposed to. Or maybe my tired and confused were enough, but I wasn't supposed to look hungry. Or...

So today I was a sheep, and then a talk-show host. Surprisingly, I think I was a better sheep than a talk-show host. At least, it was surprising to me. Maybe it isn't to others. But they might decided to go with someone woollier anyway.

An Old-Fashioned Murder

If you're anything like most people, you've wondered what it would be like if Keith put on a straw hat and shot someone at close range with an antique revolver. Now, thanks to YouTube, you can see for yourself.

July 12: Laugh Some Laughs, Drink Some Drinks, Eat Some Eats

Improvisation Inundation returns on July 12 for another night of improvisational comedy, fueled by audience suggestions and participation. If you haven't seen it, it's about time. For our repeat customers, we've thrown many new games into the mix while keeping several of your old favorites. The price of admission is a paltry $10. The show starts at 8 p.m., but the room will open at least an hour before that and food and drink service will be available before, during, and after the performance. Contact The Office for reservations.

July 12
Improvisation Inundation @ The Office
2106 North Tustin Ave., Santa Ana, CA 92705
714-834-0943

I Am a Marital Aid

Here's something I did last year - a set of DVDs called "Treasure Your Marriage." Listen to me receive and dispense advice on wedded bliss. But why don't we ever see my wife? Is their some dark secret behind that big grin?

A New Way to Ignore Me

Now everyone who doesn't read my blog, doesn't visit my Web site and doesn't befriend me on MySpace or Facebook has the ability to not watch several videos featuring me on YouTube. Some are old, some are new. Don't check them out http://www.youtube.com/user/keith4hire.

I Hate Nature and Nature Hates Me

It's too damn hot today. Oh, sure, it's my fault, just because I drive an internal-combustion-powered vehicle for insanely long distances, thereby exacerbating the greenhouse effect and speeding the planet's death spiral. OK, there may be some truth to that, but I'm somewhat constrained in my choice of transportation and residence right now. If I could live within reasonable pedaling distance of where I need to go, I would, all right? Anyway, it's too damn hot to wash and dry a load of clothes today, but the shirt I wanted to wear to the show tonight was dirty, so I decided to rinse it in the sink and let it dry in the sun. (Have I mentioned that it's hot?) But I figured if I hung it up, it would stretch and get awkward little points from where it was hung, so I laid it out on a flat surface. About 20 minutes, later, it was completely dry, unwrinkled, and toasty warm. It also had bird poop on it. That's right, some bird with all day in which to poop and basically the whole world as its toilet decided that it had to use that particular 2-square-foot area during that precise 20-minute span of time. Out of virtually infinite pooping possibilities, my shirt was this bird's preferred place to poop. This was no accident. This bird is malevolent. Watch the skies.

Or come watch our show. It's indoors, so your chances of getting pooped on our vanishingly small.

7:30, June, 20 2008 (Tonight!)
Admission: $10.

Roderick's Restaurant
14131 Redhill Ave
Tustin 92780 (714) 665-2709

Seating is still available, but we do recommend calling ahead if possible. Food and drink are available before, during, and after the show.

What Would You Do If I Sang out of Key?

Here's my first public attempt at musical improv with Improvisation Inundation, recorded at The Office on June 6, 2008.



If that didn't scare you off, you have a chance to see us live this Friday:

June 20, 7:30 p.m.

Roderick’s Restaurant

14131 Redhill Ave
Tustin 92780

714-655-2709

Admission: $10. Reservations recommended. Food and drink available before, during, and after the show.

If the Minivan's Rockin', Don't Come a-Knockin'

Will Jill and Matt find happiness In the Driveway? Melanie Cruz and some guy star in a short film by Michael Sasso.

Smoking is Hazardous to Your Health

So it turns out the fluid in a hand-held smoke machine is really, really hot. Who knew spontaneous combustion could be dangerous? But today the marks on my arm don't look any worse than some I've gotten while taking a steak out from under the broiler, and they should be gone in a few days. Other than the scalding and inhaling oily vapor, it was mostly a fun shoot(Other than that, how did you enjoy the play, Mrs. Lincoln?), and I was well fed and met some interesting people, including an 85-year-old woman who wants to take me hang-gliding.

Mind If I Smoke?

I got a call yesterday from someone at a production company I worked for about a year ago, and he asked if I could worked for them again on Friday. I told him I might be able to and asked for more information about the job. He said I would be playing the part of a man who burst into flames. I told him I was going to need more details. He assured me that special effects would be used and I would at no point actually be set on fire, which was a relief, because I would have had to have asked for a lot more money. But maybe I'm making too big a deal out of it. According to David St. Hubbins, dozens of people spontaneously combust each year, it's just not widely reported.

Tonight's Top Story

I co-wrote the first sketch of tonight's (Sunday, June 8) performance of The Big News Report, a news-based sketch show playing at IO West at 9 p.m.!

I.O. West
6366 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028
(323)962-7560
map
order tickets

"The Office": Upcoming Episodes

Here are three chances to see me in another improv show. If you haven’t seen me in an improv show yet, here are three more chances not to see me.

Of course if you DO decide to show up, that would be super, just be sure to call ahead and make reservations. We had to turn people away from the two most recent shows. I don’t know what happened to them, but I can only hope they found the will to keep on living somehow. The cost of admission for each show is $10, and full food and beverage service is available. Come early and eat, drink, and be merry.

Saturday June 7, 8 p.m.
The Office Sports Bar & Grill
2106 North Tustin Avenue
Santa Ana 92705
714-834-0943
http://maps.yahoo.com/maps_result?addr=2106%20North%20Tustin%20Avenue&csz=Santa%20Ana%2C%20%2092705

Friday June 20, 7:30 p.m.
Roderick’s Restaurant
14131 Redhill Ave
Tustin 92780
714-655-2709
http://www.rodericks.biz
http://maps.yahoo.com/maps_result?addr=14131%20Redhill%20Ave&csz=Tustin%2C%20%2092780

Saturday July 12, 8 p.m.
The Office Sports Bar & Grill
2106 North Tustin Avenue
Santa Ana 92705
714-834-0943
http://maps.yahoo.com/maps_result?addr=2106%20North%20Tustin%20Avenue&csz=Santa%20Ana%2C%20%2092705

http://myspace.com/improvisationinundation

I'm starring in The Office!

That's right, The Office. No, not the hit NBC series, the restaurant and bar in Santa Ana. I'll be performing as part of Improvisation Inundation.

May, 17 2008 - 8 p.m.

The Office Sports Bar & Grill
2106 North Tustin Avenue
Santa Ana , CA 92705
Cost: $10

[Map]

We suggest arriving by 7 p.m. if you’d like dinner before the show. Drinks and food will also be served during the show. Try not to chew too loudly.

Sox and the City

I attended an AIDA acting class this week. If I had known we were going to be asked to take our shoes off, I would have been careful to wear matching socks. One thing we were supposed to work on in this class was sex appeal, and I'm not sure how sexy you can be wearing a pair of mismatched socks. Anyway, one of the exercises we did was a mock blind date. Now, if you think going on a blind date is awkward, imagine going on a blind date and being evaluated by a room full of near strangers. Then imagine that, halfway into the date, you hear the group leader ask,“Is he boring you?” Usually the voices like that are in my head and not audible to everyone. Yesterday, I appeared on The Sonny Bozeman Show as part of Improvisation Inundation, making our local public access television debut. It was my first time on live TV, but one of the hosts helped put me at ease by saying that the four people who usually watch the show are pretty nice. Anyway, all the games seemed to work and we got some very encouraging comments from the crew. Then I zipped up to Los Angeles to work in a short film starring Laura Dern and directed by Courtney Cox. I was a guest at a rooftop New Year's Eve party. In the attached blurry cell-phone photo you may be able to discern my “date,” the camera mounted on a boom behind us, the U.S. Bank Tower, and my enormous forehead.

On TV in the LBC

I'll be appearing with Improvisation Inundation on a local cable program in Long Beach. Normally, I would include information such as the name of the show, the channel on which it will air, the time... stuff like that. But all I know for sure is that we're supposed to be... somewhere... between 3:30 and 5:30 p.m. on Friday. I think we can safely assume the show won't air before then. And my research seems to indicate that it will be on channel 65. Or 69. Unless it's on 95. So, my advice would be for everyone to move to Long Beach, subscribe to cable, hook up three TVs, and watch until we come on. You should probably begin preparations ASAP.

Salomaybe? Salodefinitely.

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending a special screening of Salomaybe?, an amazing film about Oscar Wilde's Salome, but really about so much more. About 12 years ago, Al Pacino made an acclaimed documentary film called Looking for Richard, in which he attempted to analyze and illuminate Shakespeare's Richard III and make it more accessible and significant to a modern audience. In this film he gives a similar treatment to a lesser-known play by a lesser-known playwright (well, less known than Shakespeare, at any rate). But it's not just a movie about a play. To get to the heart of the work, Pacino turns the spotlight on its creator and unravels the threads of pride, passion, and shame that tie the author and the work together. Along the way we get fascinating looks at the art and the business of theater and cinema. Inevitably, it also becomes a study of Pacino himself as he clashes (good-naturedly, mostly) with his collaborators, including stage director Estelle Parsons and leading lady Jessica Chastain. Early in the film, Chastain expresses concern that she looks like she's being difficult as she argues in defense of her vision of the character and the play, and the maneuvers of these three artists sometimes create interesting parallels and contrasts with the relationships at the center of Salome. But it is all justified by Chastain's performance of the play's climactic monologue, which is one of the most shattering performances I've seen recently on stage or screen. I don't know if the Academy would ever give an acting award for a performance in a documentary, but it's something to consider. I could keep writing about this movie, but since it was a private screening of a work in progress I probably shouldn't go into too much detail. After the screening, Mr. Pacino said he'd see us all in six months for the next cut. It's a complex film, and I suppose it's inevitable that the released version will be simplified somewhat, but hopefully not too much. As it stands it's a rich, multi-layered reverie on a sometimes difficult and perplexing play by a sometimes difficult and perplexing man.

Don't Bathe Your Cell Phone in Dr. Pepper

First, last night I was in the best improv show I've ever been in. Thanks for inviting me into your club, Improvisation Inundation! We performed in "The Great Room" at Roderick's, and the turnout was larger than anybody expected, so the show was delayed while extra chairs and tables were brought in and the servers tried to catch up with everyone's food and drink orders. By the time we started, the early arrivals had had about an hour and a half to get liquored up, which may have increased the overall level of hilarity. But it was also a good show because everyone in the group was energetic, knew what they were doing, and worked as a member of a team instead of trying to be a star. I'd also like to thank my personal fan club for coming out to support me: My mother, my father, and Bart. OK, it's not a huge fan club, and Bart was actually coming to the group's performances before I joined so I'm not sure he counts, but hey, support is support.

Second, I want to warn everyone against trying to wash their phones with Dr. Pepper. Oh, sure, it's a delicious tonic that restores vim, vigor, and vitality, but it's not so good for integrated circuits.

I have a new Motorola Razor now, which means I'd be really cool if this were a year ago. But I've lost most of my contacts. If you want to keep in touch, please send me at least one phone number where you can be reached. You may also include alternate phone numbers and e-mail and postal addresses.

Otherwise, it was nice knowing you and have a nice life!

Cheers,
Keith

I'm Back! Who Cares?

For the first time since last time, I will be appearing in an improv troupe on an OC stage this weekend. As an added bonus, there will be full food and beverage service! The more you drink, the funnier I get.

I will be appearing as part of Improvisation Inundation at:

Roderick’s Restaurant
14131 Red Hill Ave., Tustin
(right off the 5 freeway at Redhill)

Saturday, April 19

Doors Open at 6 p.m. for Dinner & Drinks
Show Time: 7 p.m.

Admission is $10 at the door, but be one of the first 5 people to contact me ahead of time and I'll get you a $2 discount! (Limited time offer.)

My improv career began with a workshop and productions at the late, lamented Second Stage in Anaheim, where I met all kinds of wonderful people. (Hi, Bart, Caitlin, Cambria, Carolyn, Celeste, Dino, Jasper, Joey, Mary Margaret, Robert, Susyn, Theresa, Toni, and Vern, in alphabetical order), but my first really structured classes were at The Second City in LA. (Hey, Booter, Fairly, Megan, and Wendy.)

For about a year now I've been acting exclusively in shows with scripts, but the fine folks of Improvisation Inundation have convinced me to once again cast away the crutch and venture into the deep end without a net. Who knows what hilarity might ensue or what metaphors may be mixed?

Stopping Traffic

Yesterday I worked on a short film addressing some of the issues surrounding human trafficking. It's being produced by members of a Korean-American Christian ministry for a film festival and DVD distribution. I'm pretty sure it's the first time I've been an active part of a Korean-American Christian ministry of any kind, but who knows what the future may hold.

I Spent the Night Making Love in a Minivan

Doing it in a minivan can be awkward. Doing it in a minivan with a stranger, while another stranger crouches inches away evaluating your performance and giving you instructions, another films every move, another records every sound, and people outside the minivan shine bright lights at you and watch the proceedings on a video monitor, really kills some of the romance, and by hour 6, the thrill is largely gone. No, I am not doing porn. It was a short comedy film, with no nudity. The monkey business was implied. But it did require assuming and holding some rather awkward positions, and I'm more than a little sore this morning.

Nothing Personal

A couple of days ago I got this very personal e-mail on behalf of a local theater: “I wanted to let you know personally that we enjoyed your callback the other week. Even though we weren't able to cast you this time, I highly encourage you to come back and audition for future productions... To start working with us and give us the opportunity to get to know you better, click [link deleted] and tell us how you'd like to get involved.” In other words, we didn't cast you this time, but come work for us for free and we might consider casting you next time. Still, it was nice of someone to let me know personally that they enjoyed my callback. Except that it wasn't personal, it was sent to multiple recipients. Oh, and one other detail: I didn't have a callback at that theater.

Just Say Yes

The audition was going very well, I thought. I felt energetic, confident, and I had them smiling and laughing in all the right places. Then they asked me to sing. I guess I knew it was a musical when submitted myself for an audition, but the notice didn't say anything about preparing any music, so I thought they were just casting non-singing roles. But there I was being asked to sing, so I stood up tall and straight, threw back my head and belted out a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday, Mr. President." So far, they haven't called, but at least I stepped up to the plate and took a swing. Today, I auditioned for an amusement-park commercial. They auditioned actors in pairs, and when they asked my partner if she would be OK riding roller coasters all day, she actually said, “Can I think about that a while?” Can you think about it? No, you can't think about it. If you have a medical condition that makes it unsafe for you to ride roller coasters, than there's nothing for you to think about. Otherwise, the correct answer is you bet! I told them they'd have to drag me off the roller coaster, and then we became a happy, loving couple having a great time at the amusement park. But as we left the audition room, I was thinking, I did the best I could, but they're never going to pick us as their couple. Can I think about it? What kind of answer is that? Just say yes!

Strike News

Frank and Larry return, but this time Frank is a TV anchorman and Larry is a striking writer. Or is that the other way around? Oh just watch it your own damn self and see. Thank you.

I Will NOT Reject Myself, I Will NOT Reject Myself...

Going on a lot of auditions means opening yourself up to a lot of rejection, so it's tempting to beat the other guys to the punch and reject yourself first. It's really easy to come up with reasons you won't get the part before the audition ever starts: they'll go with someone taller, or younger, or better looking, or more closely related to the casting director, or something. On one recent audition, I was actually a little upset with my agent for sending me. The role: a retarded inbred hick. I mean, come on. I know my type, and that's not my type. What a total waste of time. So, naturally, I had a callback Tuesday. Apparently, retarded inbred hick is my type. Live and learn. Since the callback location was close by my agent's office, I decided to drop in, because I'm that important; OK, because I help out around the office once in a while. Anyway, while I'm there the call comes in for an audition that afternoon. This time, I'm supposed to be a businessman. Of course, I look like a hick. My agent reminds me that I should always have a suit in my car. I tell her that it's a very good idea that unfortunately is of no use to me today. But I do have a somewhat rumpled blazer from a previous job, so I rush to the casting office and give my best, although I'm sure my rumpled appearance is counting against me. But Wednesday morning, I get the callback for the afternoon. So I ran around like a crazy person getting my shoes and car keys — the poor dog was running after me, thinking we were going to go somewhere really exciting — and dashed out the door. Fortunately I didn't have to take time to change clothes — I was still wearing the outfit I had auditioned in. Yep, I had fallen asleep in my clothes. I was the only actor there who wasn't wearing a dark, pinstriped suit, but I didn't let that throw me. I just kept telling myself I was good enough to get the callback in my jeans, boots and blazer, so I should be good enough to get the job in my jeans, boots, and blazer. It would have been nice if I'd had time to wash my clothes, though, or least take a shower. Then again, it's television, not smell-o-vision.

In Which I Almost Deliver a Pizza

My friend Summer, who previously tapped me for Caesar and Otto in the Summer Camp Massacre, asked me Thursday night if I would be interested in being in another project she was working on. It would be a bit part, delivering a pizza to the protagonist, but I enjoy any opportunity to practice my craft, I happened to be available, the production was about 10 minutes from my current residence, and there was the distinct possibility I'd get to eat some of the pizza when we wrapped. But soon after I arrived on location today, the director decided he could use me in a different role with a little more screen time and a couple more lines. Sweet! It was like ordering a pizza and having them throw in a side of wings! I even got to improv a little, and I ate three slices when we were done.

Have Some Pie

I know a lot of people out there have been craving a sweet follow-up to the recently posted video, even though you're too shy to come right out and ask for it. (In fact, you're too shy to say anything.) But that's OK. Here's another course for you. Everybody loves pie.

Short Subject

Here's a little something I worked on in December. Despite how it may look, I am not a little person. Not that there's anything wrong with that. The big guy and I were in a previous short film in which we basically provided annoying background noise for the principal characters. The director enjoyed our inane chatter so much that he came up with a project just for us. It's just two guys talking on a light-rail platform. Maybe I can use it as an audition reel for The Hobbit.

Whomp! Upside the Head

When you're auditioning with another actor, and the session runner has said,“Don't hurt each other,” it might be a good idea not to hurt the other actor. In fact, it might be a good idea even if no one actually says don't hurt the other actor. Just take it for granted that you aren't supposed to whomp the other guy upside the head. On the brighter said, I had two auditions today in which I did not get whomped upside the head, so I guess on average I did pretty well.

At Least the Dog Likes Me

Here's a picture of me with Stetson. No, not the hat - you think I can afford Stetson hats? Stetson is the name of the Australian shepherd. At least, that's what he's rumored to be, although he's awfully tall for an Aussie and kind of rangy looking. I'm not too sure he's only 3 years old, either. He's awfully mellow for a 3-year-old Aussie. But hey, who hasn't fudged a little on a resume? Anyway, I think we complement each other nicely. Our hair is the same colors. And with all the auditions I've been going on lately, it's nice to interact with someone who won't reject me and whose needs are pretty easy to figure out. Walk me, feed me, pet me. That's about it. I wish casting directors were that easy.

A Week for Goodbyes

You think you've seen how pathetic a dog can look when she's watching you eat and hoping for just one tasty morsel, but that's nothing. When that same dog is to weak to move and finding it difficult to even breathe, then you see what those eyes can really do. Now before anybody who might happen to read this feels the need to send me condolences, I'm not talking about my dog. This dog and I didn't have a particularly close bond. In fact, I first realized something was seriously wrong with this dog when I walked into her yard and heard only a muffled woof, instead of the loud, angry barking. There was something not right about the way she was lying on the ground, not stretched out or curled up in typical fashion but like a used dog someone had crumpled and discarded. Her labored breathing was another clear sign, and the distress showed in her face. This would be the morning I helped my mother transport her dying dog to the vet. It turned out the dog had bleeding masses in her spleen and liver. The spleen she could have lived without; the liver, not so much, and every lobe appeared affected. The veterinary surgeon said their were procedures that she could do, but she couldn't in good conscience recommend any of them. So we watched as the vet administered a lethal injection. Within just a couple of seconds the dog stopped struggling to breathe.

That night was the final performance of A Tuna Christmas, in which I played, among other roles, an animal lover named Petey Fisk who adopts a dog/coyote hybrid he names Fresno. In this production, Fresno was played by a standard poodle. It was a strange experience being greeted by Grendel, who sniffed my jeans with particular interest that night - the same jeans I had worn to the vet. And acting with him on stage, having just said goodbye to one dog and knowing I also might well never see him again had a peculiar poignancy. Now this would be the appropriate place to say I gave an incredibly moving performance that reduced the house to tears, akin to Kathryn Hepburn's character in Stage Door when she talked about the calla lilies, but it wasn't anything that outwardly dramatic, just something I felt while playing a goofy little comedy. Afterward there was a cast party, which was nice because I got to say goodbye to the rest of the cast and hang out with some friends who came to the show, but I stayed a little too long because the conversation somehow turned to dead pets. And it wasn't me.

And here's where I give a shout-out to friends who came to the show: Glen Hardy, Spenser Coates, and Bart Weil. Glen and I met in Much Ado About Nothing, Spenser was in Love's Labors Lost, and Bart and I have done improv together on several occasions. Thanks for the support!

Among this week's auditions, the real standout in my mind was a dog-food commercial. During the audition I got to talk to a big stuffed dog as if it was real. Naturally, I kept seeing those big brown eyes staring at me like they had Saturday morning. Made for a real happy pitchman, I'm sure.

Last night was the last theater Christmas party ever at the Second Stage in Anaheim, home of many fabulous theatrical productions of note over the years. The party had some raunchy and raucous moments, largely related to a twisted white elephant gift exchange, but it also had a melancholy tinge because it was a fair well to a place where I had some personally significant experiences and met some pretty important people in my life.

Today I got a call from someone who would like me to audition for a gig hosting a new series. (The series is about animals, naturally.) Well, the audition's something to look forward to in the new year. Getting the gig could make for a very happy 2008.

I Was a Teenage Meth Addict

I pushed a terrified man against the wall today and threatened to violate his wife in a degrading and violent fashion. It was all in a day's work. I had an audition for an anti-drug PSA, and I was playing a meth-addicted teenage thug. And if you think that's a strange role for a mild-mannered middle-aged man, you're right. I was actually there to try out for the part of the terrified guy, but the session runner brought us in three at a time and had us take turns being the hoodlums. It was totally unexpected, but that's what keeps it interesting.

New Tuna Flyer

There might be a flying fish joke somewhere in there, but it's been a long day. Anyway, if you see a little picture of the flyer over there on the right, click on it for a larger version. In case you don't, here's the gist of it: December 1 through 15; Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays at 8 p.m. and Sundays at 4 p.m.; reservations and additional information at http://plays411.com/atunachristmas.

I Gave the Director a Wedgie

A large man in a blood-stained shirt grinned at me as I walked along the canyon road. I sure hope I'm in the right place, I thought. My friend Summer is working on an indie film, and based on her recommendation, some performance clips and a headshot or two, the director had cast me in a small (but memorable!) role. I hadn't seen the full script and didn't really know what the movie was about. Fortunately, the big bloody man turned out to be a friendly guy who had come to guide me to the location. It's a horror spoof, and it turned out to be a fun shoot. The writer even added a scene for me that every actor has dreamed about, in which I Gave the Director a Wedgie. And we did multiple takes! In other news, my interaction with another actor on the train movie mentioned in the previous post seems to have inspired the director/writer. He's working on a new script written around our characters!

Station to Station

The word “set” would seem to describe something stationery, but I just finished working on one that moved all over Los Angeles. I was cast in an indie film that was set largely on a commuter train. We spent two days hopping on and off the Gold Line, from Sierra Madre Villa to Union Station and back again with occasional stops en route, to get all the coverage that was needed, while hoping not to attract too much attention.

You Can Tune a Piano, But You Can't Tune a Fisk

I've begun rehearsing for an LA production of A Tuna Christmas. It looks like it's going to be a lot of fun to perform and, hopefully, to watch. It's written as a two-man play with lots of quick changes and cross-dressing, but the director has decided to spread the joy (and the work) by dividing up the roles among several actors. Most of us will still end up playing multiple characters. My chief role is Petey Fisk, a kind-hearted misfit who loves animals, but who doesn't always seem to be loved by them. Stay tuned for more information as opening night approaches.

GBZ and Me

I'm at the Coffee Bean between auditions, drinking a red-eye and using the WiFi (free until Nov. 11!). I did OK at my first audition, but I have doubts about my Great Big Zit. I think it may be holding me back, and I'm planning to dissolve our partnership soon. I'm not sure, though. What if it turns out they liked GBZ better than me? Maybe if we get both roles, I can do one and GBZ can do the other.

The Year of the Diamond Dogs

I find myself liking Radiant's “That Girl” video (no, Marlo Thomas isn't in it).



In other news, “Nightmares” is over and the show went really well and got great reactions. I wasn't sure how many people would turn out on Halloween night, but we had a nice crowd at the show and the after-party. The audience was more elaborately costumed than the cast. Standouts included Superwoman and Wonderman, Bikini Guy, Trojan and Dracula. Bart was there for the third time and did a karaoke/stand-up routine dressed as Santa. I really need to keep my camera phone with me at all times.

I Dreamed We Were Expecting A Full House...

... and then somebody realized he had counted some reservations twice, so there weren't as many people coming as expected. Aaiieee! Whew, what a scary dream. What's that? It really happened? Aaiieee! OK, calm down. There's still time for people to call 714-630-9870 and book the remaining seats.

NIGHTMARES final performance Oct. 31
House opens at 7:30 p.m., performance at 8, party follows
THE GALLERY THEATRE
3152 East La Palma, Suite G
Anaheim, CA

At only $6, you can hardly afford not to go!

Dancing Makes Me Hungry

I just got back from a salsa and merengue class. Do you know what would taste really good right now? Some chips and salsa and a slice of lemon meringue pie. But is there any salsa or pie in the house? Of course not.

Strictly Ballroom

Last night I took a dance lesson, proving I don't have to be around horses to get my feet stepped on. Fortunately, my partners this time were much, much lighter. I'll be polishing my waltz, swing and cha-cha skills in the coming weeks. One never knows when one might have to cha-cha, after all. Hey, if you want to see something even scarier than dance lessons, come to the final performance of Nightmares on Halloween night at the Gallery Theatre. It's only $6 and there's a party afterward. I'm told it's almost sold out, so call 714-630-9870.

More Nightmares!

You have two more chances to catch me (and some other people) in "Nightmares" at the Gallery Theatre for the absurdly low price of $6 (unless you're reading this after the fact, which is hardly my fault, is it?). I've had several people tell me I'm creepy and scary. And some of them have actually seen the show.

NIGHTMARES
Sunday Oct. 28 and Wednesday Oct. 31 (Halloween)
Show starts promptly at 8 p.m.
THE GALLERY THEATRE
3152 East La Palma - Suite G
Anaheim, CA 92807

Reservations and Information:
714.630.9870

Directions:
Take the 91 freeway to Kraemer. Turn right at the end of the ramp and right again at La Palma (first light). The Gallery Theatre is located in the Sterling Business Complex.

Mares & Nightmares

Monday: Auditioned for a role as a chef in a white jacket purchased specially for the occasion ($2 at a local thrift store) — two more auditions and wardrobe changes that day.
Tuesday: Traveled to Dude's Ranch for a riding lesson. Practiced steering, accelerating, reverse, and most importantly, braking. Had a great time, not realizing my thighs would still be sore five days later. Also managed to get my foot under a horse's hoof; glad I wore boots. Later, rehearsed for Nightmares, sore thighs and toes and all.
Wednesday: Went on audition or two. In the evening, performed reading of The Dybbuk — we made people cry, we got paid, and we were invited back to do another reading. A good night all-in-all.
Thursday: Had an audition wherein I was asked to pantomime running into an electric fence, do a bad robot imitation, fall over a chair and chase an imaginary monkey around the room. Bruised more than my dignity. Another Nightmares rehearsal
Friday: Another skating lesson. Last time I thought I lurched around like the Frankenstein monster. This time my coach said I wobbled like Winnie-the-Pooh. Is that better or worse?
Saturday: Saw a very enjoyable production of A Midsummer's Night Dream at the Next Stage. "Every man shall have his mare!"
Sunday: Off to a dress rehearsal of Nightmares. The show opens Thursday at the Gallery Theatre. I play two despicable characters. Come and show me some hate!

Don't Blink

Demons, Golems, and Me

One man has delved to deeply into hidden things and another has kept his mind willfully ignorant of what his heart knows to be true. A woman loved by both is caught between the truth and the lie, the light and the shadow, the living and the dead. “Demons, Golems, and Dybbuks: Monsters of the Jewish Imagination” is the theme of a series of discussions being held in Pasadena this fall. On October 17, the conversation will focus on The Dybbuk: Between Two Worlds, considered a seminal work of Jewish theater. I will take on the role of Khonon/The Dybbuk in a staged reading that will precede the discussion. Preparing for the event has been a fascinating journey into a time, place, and belief system I knew very little about, and I look forward to learning more. For details or to register, contact Joanne Kim, (626) 585-7837, jykim@pasadena.edu.

Cool World

I have been visiting the cartooniverse lately. First, I interviewed the delightful Ann-Margret in her Beverly Hills home. Ann-Margret herself is quite real, but I first knew her as Ann-Margrock on The Flintstones. Then I auditioned for a role on the DVD release of... well, I signed a confidentiality agreement, but it was highly popular anime back when we used to just call it Japanese animation. In noncartoon news, I had my first ice-skating lesson. Technically, I think I've been to the rink at least once as a child, but I don't remember much more than sitting down, hard, a lot. This time I managed to stay vertical for several stiff, lumbering turns around the rink. I must have looked like Boris Karloff in Frankenstein on Ice.

Two Kinds of Shoot

Yesterday I fired off several dozen rounds with a Springfield XD9 and got my handgun safety certificate. During the classroom session, I sometimes felt that the life-size cardboard cutout of John Wayne was staring at me like I didn't belong. But I passed the test and even managed to hit the center of the target a few times. Take that, Duke. It was only my second time firing a handgun and my first with a semiautomatic (as part of an acting gig, I fired a 1903 Colt 38 single-action revolver). I was worried that I'd be too nervous to shoot straight, but by the time we'd had all the safety instruction and gone through a few dry-firing sessions, I felt pretty comfortable. There seemed to be one instructor for every two or three students on the firing line, and they made darned sure the only time any students were holding a loaded firearm was when they were facing the target and preparing to fire. On the previous day, I worked on an instructional video project called Treasure Your Marriage, in which I got to complain about my wife's compulsive cleaning and organizing. If only I had a wife like that, my life would be so much easier. Well, maybe not easier, but probably cleaner and more organized.

Mob Rules

When I asked the attendant about parking for Deal Or No Deal, she gave me a quizzical look. Stupid parking attendant, I thought. She ought to know the name of the show. Certainly other contestants have already arrived. “The game show,” I prompted her, “at the studio.” “Oh,” she responded, a look of sudden realization on her face. “You want the next entrance over.” I thanked her and drove to the next entrance, marked by a yellow sign reading 1 vs. 100, the actual name of the show I was there to participate in. I'm really not prepared for this, I realized. In my defense, I did wake up at 4 a.m. in order to make it to the studio on time. How is anyone supposed to be smart after waking up while it's still dark out? Oh, sure, emergency room surgeons do it all the time, but they aren't dealing with the stress of being on a game show. And as I've already written, I'm not a regular viewer and it wasn't my idea to be on the show. As it turns out, it wasn't anyone's idea for me to be on the show that day. For this episode, they wanted two mobs, one all male and one all female. The men were all given name tags, some of which had blue dots on them. The blue dot people were made mob members right away. Then they asked for men over 6 feet tall (missed it by that much. Then, they took men whose tags had a 1 or a 2 as the last digit. Mine had a 4. There were no 5s. I'm not sure if the numbers were randoms, or the 4 meant they really thought I sucked. Maybe it related to the 3.5 I got at the audition? In any case, I was again sent home before the day was over. Before I left, someone explained that all the people with blue dots had been there once before and were called back, and that's why they got preference this time around, and the same thing could happen to us. So that blew our theory that the blue dot meant they blew the casting director.

Life and Death Concerns

I went to an American Red Cross CPR and first aid class today and as I was watching the demonstration videos, a couple of very important questions occured to me, namely, who are these people and how much did they get paid? Some of the performers may well have been ARC employees, while others almost had to be professional actors. Some of the vignettes were simple demonstrations that were done very straight and without emotion and some of them were staged to simulate real-life situations. Of the latter, some were performed a little lethargically, but that may well have been a directorial choice to keep theatrics to a minimum so as not to interfere with the instructional purpose of the videos. Still, others were very effective and even occasionally moving. I thought the heat exhaustion farm workers and hypothermia fishermen were particularly good. So, it had me wondering if the Red Cross had some sort of SAG waiver like the film schools that allows them to use a mixture of union and non-union actors, and if so, what if anything they pay them. Or if they produce some of the videos in-house as a non-signatory and contract out the rest to a company that has signed a SAG agreement. These are the things I think about now. (Lest anyone think that's all I thought about today, I got 100 percent on my written exam and am now certified in first aid and CPR).

No Rushin' This Literature

In preparation for a dramatic reading of The Dybbuk, I ordered an Ansky anthology from an online bookstore. I was about $5 short of the minimum to qualify for free shipping, so I searched for something to buy for $5 or less. In the mix with a bunch of questionable titles I'd never heard of was an acknowledged classic: The Brothers Karamazov. What the heck, I thought, I'm basically getting a free book. Upon delivery, I breezed through The Dybbuk in one sitting. Then, I turned with some apprehension to the heftier tome: 700+ pages of smallish print with narrow margins. Well, I told myself, it's a classic, so it must be worth the effort. Then I read the author's introduction, in which Dostoevsky basically apologizes for writing such a uninteresting story about such an unexceptional proagonist but assures the reader that it's a necessary prelude to the second part of the story, which will be much more interesting, honest. The problem with that is that he never got around to writing The Brothers Karamazov II: Alyosha Strikes Back, or whatever it was supposed to be. No, he took the easy way out and died, leaving me with 700+ pages of prologue.

Joining the Mob

A few weeks ago a certain female acquaintance convinced me to trying out for the game show 1 vs. 100 — “coerced” might be more accurate; I can still here the crack of the whip reverberating in my mind. She was positive I could not only make it on the show, but make big money doing it. Now, it's true that I did win a couple of times on Jeopardy!, but that was way back in the 20th century, when I was younger and smarter than I am now, and I had been watching that show since the Art Fleming days (so I must not have been that young), whereas I've never actually seen an entire episode of this one. By the time I finally caved in and drove down to Culver Studios, the auditions were almost over. I didn't even have time to complete the entry form, and when they whisked me in for the personal interview, questions such as “What was the funniest thing that ever happened to you?” and “What interesting thing about you should we know?” were still left blank. So I realized I had about 30 seconds to convince a stranger that I was actually an interesting person worthy of being on the show (kind of like a commercial audition, actually). After a few words back and forth, she wrote “3.5” on my application and turned to the next person on line. I'm a 3.5? Someone looked at me, talked to me, and summed me up as 3.5? Hopefully that's not out of 100. Then we walked on to the set of “Deal or No Deal.” Had I mixed up my game shows? No, turns out the same production company does both and for some reason they had at the DoND set. No models were present on the staircase, however. We took a written test, which seemed to me very heavy on pop culture. (Apparently, everyone but me knew Hannah Montana is Billy Ray Cyrus' daughter.) So I wasn't too surprised when I wasn't asked to stay for the next part of the audition, but my dark muse seemed rather disappointed when I notified her via cell phone. Anyway, yesterday I got a call on that very same cell phone. Although my incomplete application form, 3.5 rating and ignorance as to which reality show was produced by Heidi Klum may have disqualified from being the 1, I am apparently good enough to be one of the 100. So I guess I better watch the show this Friday, and study up on my recent Grammy winners.

Represented

I have a new commercial agent! I left the theater in June with the intention of booking commercials, TV shows and films. I've had a few successes in the past couple of months, and this week I feel like things have moved a big step forward. I had already done a mass mailing to casting directors with a cover letter and four brand new headshots in each envelope and was preparing to do the same for agencies when I got a call from my friend Dino, who is an assistant of this particular agent. He had recommended that she take me on as well to help out, and I jumped at the chance. Not only would it be an opportunity to learn about the business from a different perspective, but there was the possibility of making a little money at it. But when I met her, she immediately had me audition and ended up taking me on as a client. Now, I know having a great agent doesn't mean I get to stop working. Well, the whole point is for me to work more now, right? At least now I feel like I have more people on my side, and that's a very good thing. I don't know what I'm going to do with all those agency mailing labels I printed, though.

Why I Am a Bruins Fan

This morning I went to work on a student film in which I played a college teacher named Mr. Robertson. Two of my “students,” Rebecca and Jonathan, were exchanging glances throughout the class. Rebecca was supposed to arrive late and make an excuse, prompting me to say, “That's OK, Rebecca, just have a seat,” but someone in the crew pointed out that Mr. Robertson shouldn't know her name at that moment. I responded that I just assumed that we had a past. “Rebecca“ laughed and said she thought so too, and new darned well why she was late, which made a lot of people laugh. I'm glad she played along rather than reacting with shock and horror. Later on, when we were shooting Mr. Robertson introducing himself, I goofed and said “Robinson,” so I apologized and said I was thinking of The Graduate. I said it more for my own amusement than anything else; I’ve heard "I was born in XXXX" as an excuse so often I no longer expect anyone more than 10 years younger than me to get any of my pop-culture reference, but several people laughed. Of course there were a lot of film students in the room, but it was still encouraging. The rest of the shoot went very smoothly. Director Clint Chang was calm and collected and seemed to know exactly what he wanted. The crew was very welcoming and respectful. I left the set feeling pretty good, but unfortunately I had to deal with some personal stuff afterward that brought me down a little. Then, tonight, I got this e-mail:

“Thanks so much for coming and participating in my film. You really did an amazing job - I got several complements on your performance in particular. Multiple people asked me if you were a real teacher because they all felt you nailed the act. I look forward to doing the edit to see all your great work come together.”

Now, he didn't have to say any of that at all, but the fact that he did helped bring me back up. Go, UCLA!

Living on Video

So I'm having dinner with my wife, talking about my day at work and the dog and this funny noise the car's making, when all of sudden we're interrupted by.... well, you'll just have to see for yourself. It's what I worked on today and it's coming soon from the Coheed and Cambria, a hard-rock band whose records all have something to do with some kind of cosmic battle between good and evil in which we're all just hapless pawns, I think. It was a fun shoot. Director Ben Barnes always seemed to be cool and laid back and ready with a joke but somehow kept everything running smoothly, the crew as a whole seemed very genial yet professional, and they really treated the actors well. Last but not least, the food was good -- both the “prop” lasagna for the dinner scene and the catered Cuban lunch.

Feelin' Groovy

Today I went to a fitting for a movie set in the ’70s. After getting tricked out in blue/gray pinstriped three-piece suit, I went to the hair and make-up trailer. "Look at those sideburns!" the stylist exclaimed. "I love them! Did you grow those just for us?" Uhh.... yeeesss... yes I did.

Two Shoes

I had two auditions yesterday: one for the part of a college professor, another for the part of a priest. To suit the roles, I decided to dress a little more formally than usual: a gray wool suit, dress shirt, and black leather shoes. It wasn't until five minutes before the second audition that I noticed my left shoe was obviously from a different pair than my right. What did I learn from this? (a) Don't stay out to late the night before an audition. (b) Lay out your clothes, including footwear, ahead of time. (c) Don't get dressed in the dark. (d) Just don't be an idiot.

Location, Location, Location

I've learned a lot in the last few days, but this may be the most important lesson: If you decide to pick up a few extra bucks (and I do mean a few) by doing background work, make sure you find out where the shoot takes place before booking it. Otherwise, you might find yourself driving to freakin&slquo; Valencia like I did. Actually, it turned out not to be such a bad thing. The cast and crew were very nice, it was a fun scene, and a day in front of the camera beats a day in cubicle any day. But Valencia? That's a long, expensive drive. I also had my second commercial acting class with Daphne Kirby, and I'm amazed at how much ground we can cover in a couple of hours. The best part is that we each get to ”audition“ two or three times on camera with actual commercial copy and watch the results. It's enlightening to see what a difference a few adjustments can make.

Why I'm Not a Bruins Fan

Knowing that this is a public forum, even if only three people in the world actually read the damn thing, I've always tried to keep it positive, or at least neutral. But something's been bugging me lately and I've decided to break that self-imposed rule at the risk of alienating the students, faculty, and alumni of one of Southern California's largest and most prestigious film schools. I have had great experiences on projects at USC, Loyola-Marymount, Chapman, Cal Sate Long Beach, the Los Angeles Film School, and the New York Film Academy. It has been a pleasure to collaborate with talented, earnest young filmmakers. Even on auditions where I didn't get the role, I was treated with courtesy, respect, and even gratitude. ("Hey," you may be thinking, "I was promised negativity!" Hold your horses.) So when I submitted for a role in a project at another university film school and was invited to audition, I had every reason to expect the same. The character I submitted for had a name, an interesting back story, and a pivotal role in the plot. The role I submitted for was a named character who was described as a professor. When I met with one of the filmmakers, he had me read dialogue that was written for other characters which kind of surprised me, but it wasn't the first time. Sometimes a filmmaker may see you in a different role when they meet you in person; sometimes a screenplay is unfinished and your part may not even be fully written. The director responded enthusiastically to my reading, gave me some adjustments, thanked me profusely for coming in, and sent me on my way. The next day I was offered the role and I accepted. Then he sent me a script. I searched for my character's name, couldn't find it. No dialogue, no entrance, no action, nothing. I contacted the director and he told me I was going to be part of a crowd scene. Now, I've done nonspeaking roles, I've done crowd scenes, and I will do them again. But everything from the initial character description in the breakdown to the multiple readings during the audition seemed calculated to give the impression I was being considered for a principal role, a role which didn't really exist. That was some time ago. So why bring it up now? Because I recently responded to this notice: "Seven short films are being cast and shot this week, including '[title deleted]'! [name deleted] graduate directing students and TFT faculty will be involved! Come to the audition and you will have the chance to audition for several of the films, not just ours!" Do you see in there where it says these films will be directed by high school students, because I sure don't. I have actually recently worked with a director who was a high-school student at the time of filming. It was a great experience and I'd do it again, but let me know up front. Please don't make me think I'll be working with film school graduates when that's not the case. And please don't then usher me into a room full of high-school males and give me the task of finding one who is interested in talking to me and not the beautiful young women in the room. One student was openly derisive and rude. Another was obviously not going to cast me but seemed to want to try out his impression of a slick Hollywood mover a la Entourage.Despite the less than ideal circumstances, I did strike up a rapport with a young director, who called the next morning to offer me a leading role. I called back and accepted, and he called back and very apologetically retracted the offer, saying his writer and director of photography wanted someone else and outvoted him. At first I laughed it off, chalking it up to youthful indiscretion and poor impulse control. But then I stopped laughing, realizing that it fit into a pattern of behaving as if promises made, explicitly and implicitly, don't really matter where actors are concerned. This high-school students should have been taught that actors, like anybody, deserve respect and honesty. But who is there to teach them?

Surviving Being Shot

When I saw the results of my recent photo session, my first instinct was to crawl into a cave and live out the remainder of my life in solitude and darkness. But once I stopped focusing on the very worst images, I found some I didn't hate and a few I... dare I say it?... liked. So I posted a selection of them online and asked my friends to comment. Responses range from “Those are
some great headshots!” to “I’m going to be honest because I’m your friend.” (In a completely unrelated development, I have an immediate opening for the position of “friend.” Some diplomatic skills required.) Photos are available for public viewing on Facebook. You have to be registered to comment there, but you can always come back here and (tactfully) express yourself. Or, if you're with MySpace, you can view and comment there.

I'm Selling Out! (Who's Buying?)

After focusing a great deal of time and energy on live performance, which has been greatly rewarding in many nonfinancial ways, I've decided to go commercial. Following closely on the heels of an intensive soap opera class, I've started Daphne Kirby's commercial acting course. The first night was a lot of fun. I got a lot of good general information and some personalized pointers for on-camera auditioning. I plan to start submitting my resume to commercial agents as soon as my new headshots are ready. I haven't given up live theater -- nothing beats that thrill, except maybe the thrill of a monthly residuals check.

Weaving All Night

It took a marathon session but I finally updated my Web site, keithbush.com. Actually, it ended up being more of a rebuild than an update. It's not completely finished, but it now has some of the things an actor's Web site is supposed to have, like a resume, headshots, and performance stills.

Two Saturdays at AAT

Here's a picture of some of the people at a Live Earth party I recently attended. When I wasn't standing awkwardly in the corner painfully aware of my own datelessness, I had a pretty good time. I met some fascinating people, enjoyed some good food, and we talked about saving the earth a little. A week later, I returned to Actor's Art Theatre for an intensive soap opera workshop. I had worked with the instructor, Jolene Adams, before in a production called Shakespeare's Italian Lovers, so I was confident I could learn from her. She has a real knack for drawing solutions out of the actor rather than imposing them from the outside. I learned a lot about the challenges facing soap opera actors and I think it will serve me well when the time comes to lather up.

Wide Awake in Orange County

I'm in a sketch show that opens and closes Friday, May 18. Then it reopens and recloses the first Friday in June. Then it comes back for a couple of more weeks. Wacky, isn't it? Some of the sketches are pretty out there, too. Come see "We Haven't Slept Together in a Week," performed and written by several of the people who brought you last year's senfreakingsational "Second Best Sketch Comedy Show Ever!" and some fresh new faces.

Second Stage, 431 N. Brookhurst #140, Anaheim.

May 18, June 1, June 15, and June 22 at 8 p.m.

Blog's Labors Lost?

I could have sworn I posted something about this already. But I shouldn't swear lightly. That's the message, such as it is, of Love's Labors Lost,* William Shakespeare's comedy of vows broken and love unrequited. I'm the director and producer of a a production currently playing in the heart of Hollywood. I also, by sheerest coincidence, happen to have the largest role — about 1/3 of the the lines, according to some sources. I haven't counted, but it seems about right. I've put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into this project — OK, not so much blood — but I'm having a lot of fun, and so are the cast and audience. It's a blast to hear people laughing at 400-year-old wordplay as well as the physical comedy with which we've liberally salted the play (as I believe Shakespeare's company would have done) and come up and say how much they enjoyed it, but the most satisfying are the ones who say they never "got" Shakespeare until now! We've closed the first leg of our two-city tour of Southern California, but there's still two more chances to catch us.

Saturdays @ 8 p.m.

May 19 and 26

The Next Stage

1523 N. La Brea

Second Floor

Hollywood, CA 90028

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/14049

* Yes, most people spell it "Love's Labour's Lost," but my spelling is closer to the one on the title page of the first published edition and makes a better title, I think.

Star f-ed

My STARmeter is down 44%. I just found out today I had a STARmeter, and now it's down by 44%. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

What's Next

My long-awaited* return to the stage takes place in a little over a week. Once again I'm directing and acting, but not simultaneously this time. I play Harry Scupp, seeking treatment at Ravenswood after attacking his wife with a remote-control lawnmower. I sing and dance a little in this one (very little, mercifully). I'm also directing a one-act about a man who doesn't want to go war and a sergeant who is less than sympathetic. Both plays are short comedies, with varying shades of darkness.

*Long-awaited by me.

Lost Time

Oops, I just accidentally deleted Keith Bush. No, not me, another K.B. who was nice enough to drop by and leave a friendly comment (unlike some people--yeah, you know who are). The mishap occurred while I was deleting dozens of spamoids that had settled here in my absence.

Where did those two months go? Seems I'm always losing track of time, or car keys, or something. Well, I'm determined to do a better job of keeping up with this blogging thing. There's a lot of exciting stuff going on in the Bushland these days. Unfortunately, I'm tired from clearing out all that trash (not you, K.B., the other stuff) so I won't be posting. Besides, it's Friday night, so I'm going to pretend like I have something better to do.

Cheers!

Day Trippin'

It turns out I'm directing myself in
"Giving Thanks."

Surprise!

Well, it was to me, anyway.

At the Second Stage, Again (and Again)

Following close on the heels of the specfreakingtacular success of "The Second Best Sketch Comedy Show Ever!", I'll be appearing in two evenings of improv (with some scripted material sprinkled in.

I'll also be making my directorial debut with "The Daytripper," part of the annual holiday show "Giving Thanks."

Be amazed by my diverse talents, or leave feeling better about yourself by comparison. Either way, you win!

Improv: Nov. 3 and Nov. 10, 8:30 p.m., $10
Giving Thanks: Nov. 11, 18, 25, and Dec. 9., 8 p.m., $15

The Second Stage
431 N. Brookhurst, Suite 140
Anaheim, CA

Second Chance at "Second Best"

The original cast of "The Second Best Sketch Comedy Show Ever!" (which I perform in and cowrote) is reuniting for a special command performance 8 p.m. Saturday at the Next Stage, 1523 N. La Brea, Second Floor, Hollywood, California. (323) 850-7827. This is your last opportunity to see it. We mean it this time. If you don't go, you'll regret it for the rest of your miserable little life. And I say that with love.

Second Best Slide Show Ever

"The Second Best Sketch Comedy Show Ever!" has played to capacity crowds and smashed box office records at the Second Stage. OK, that's not quite like playing to capacity crowds at the Pantages, but it's something. And it's even more remarkable considering my legions of faithful friends who haven't shown up in droves. Oh, well, there's always Mom, even if she was convinced I was making some kind of statement in the "Frat Mom" sketch, which I didn't even write or cast myself in. Anyway, for the rest of you who can't be bothered to show up, here are some slides from opening night, if clicking isn't too much trouble for you.

Character/Sketches

It's not a sure thing, but I may have a chance soon to direct a play of my choosing. It would probably be a classical piece (that is, pre-1923) so royalties wouldn't be an issue. Of course I'd want to put myself in a major role, but therein lies the rub. How can I be sure I haven't miscast myself before it's too late? Usually when I'm acting, I have the comforting thought that someone else thought I was appropriate for the part (and I try not to think about the dozen more-appropriate people who might have turned down the gig). But to rely on nothing but my own judgment and talent is an entirely different matter. Here are some characters I may be inappropriate for: Lear (too young), Cleopatra (too male), and Othello (too white). But I could use some help coming up with the perfect part. While you're puzzling over that, remember that I'll be appearing in "The Second Best Sketch Comedy Show Ever!" (co-written by me), Fridays at 8 p.m., Sept. 15 - Oct. 6, Second Stage at El Ranch Plaza, 431 N. Brookhurst, Suite 140, Anaheim, Calif. Admission $15 cash at the door.

Short Stuff

I'm still tall, it's the pictures that got short. I'm in Convicted for Life, screening September 10 at the Arclight as part of the Los Angeles International Short Film Festival. It'll just be you, me, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark.

Breaking News Extra: Our stage show now has a name: The Second Best Sketch Comedy Show Ever. (If it were the best, we'd have to charge more.)

Spontaneity: Plan on It

I'll be part of the "Improv Extravaganza" at the Second Stage, 531 N. Brookhurst, Anaheim, 8:30 p.m., Friday, Aug. 18. Admission is $10 cash, or mention my name and get charged double.

Something Sketchy

I'm a cowriter and featured performer in an upcoming sketch comedy show. We don't have a title yet, but we do have outrageous characters and incredible situations that will have you laughing till you stop, so I encourage my reader (hi, Mom) to make reservations now (or just show up).

The Second Stage
El Rancho Plaza #140
531 N. Brookhurst
Anaheim, Calif.
(714) 502-2249

September 15, 22, and 29 and October 6 at 8 p.m., or whenever we get our heads together. Admission is a measly $15, cash at the door.

Who's the Boss?

I'm the boss. Well, I got to act like one, anyway. Over the weekend I worked on an independent short, playing the protagonist's disagreeable employer. I'd almost forgotten what it's like to tell other people what to do. Even though there was no chance of him actually doing it, there was something kind of satisfying about it. Maybe I should consider directing.

Back to Berubia

I'll be performing with the Berubian All-Stars of Improv again, this Friday at 8ish. A good time is guaranteed to be had by me. Tickets are normally $12, but mention my name and they'll let you in for $24.95.

Second Stage Theatre
El Rancho Plaza
431 N. Brookhurst, Suite 140
Anaheim, California
(714) 502-2249

I Put the 'Ear' in 'RehEarsal'

I gaze achingly, hungrily, longingly at her until my passion overwhelms me and I seize her, press my body against hers and plant a wet, passionate kiss on her... yep, her ear. Who knew she was going to move her head just then? Oh, well. One more week to get it right.

Living Beyond My Means

My beautiful, auburn-haired wife and I spent a few hours in Hancock Park today, looking at multimillion-dollar homes in which we might spend the rest of our lives together. In my dreams? No, in the short film I mentioned a couple of paragraphs down. If only life could be more like the movies (the ones where I don't get shot). Oh, well, it was a fun shoot working with cool people and I got to feel successful for a weekend, anyway, even if my character was a bit dorky. (Obviously the filmmakers decided it would be interesting to cast against type!)

New Flyer, New Date, New Time

Click the thumbnail to view the new, more-informative, less-scandalous art for Shakespeare's Italian Lovers. We have just scheduled a third performance. Because of the limited run and, uh, intimate nature of the space, reservations are strongly suggested.

June 23 (Friday) & 24 (Saturday) @ 8 p.m.
June 25 (Sunday) @ 3 p.m.
Actors Art Theatre, 6128 Wilshire Blvd. #110, LA 90048
323-969-4953

Hate, Eat, Love

Yesterday morning I auditioned for a part in an indie horror film, an unloving and unlovable misfit. I'm not sure who or what the killer is, but he'd be high on my list of suspects. Apparently I was good (bad?) enough to merit a call-back later the same day to read with some other actors. Then I had to rush from Huntington Beach to the Miracle Mile for a read-through. When I arrived I was in no state of mind for romantic comedy, but that was fine, because our Italian-American director started us off with a delicious Italian feast, wine included, that put us all in the mood to have a few laughs and pitch some woo. Looks like a good cast, and all the scenes are funny. That Shakespeare could write. You can quote me.

That's Amore!

I'm one of Shakespeare's Italian Lovers, but that's not me on the promotional material. Looks like I need to get in shape. And we might need a bigger flag.

8 p.m. June 23rd & June 24th (Friday & Saturday)
Actors Art Theatre
6128 Wilshire Blvd. #110, Los Angeles, CA 90048

323.969.4953

There Are Some Who Call Me... Tim?

I've been cast as Tim in a short film with the working title of Ben & Benny. Something tells me I won't be getting top billing on this one, but it should be fun.