I Spent the Night Making Love in a Minivan

Doing it in a minivan can be awkward. Doing it in a minivan with a stranger, while another stranger crouches inches away evaluating your performance and giving you instructions, another films every move, another records every sound, and people outside the minivan shine bright lights at you and watch the proceedings on a video monitor, really kills some of the romance, and by hour 6, the thrill is largely gone. No, I am not doing porn. It was a short comedy film, with no nudity. The monkey business was implied. But it did require assuming and holding some rather awkward positions, and I'm more than a little sore this morning.

Nothing Personal

A couple of days ago I got this very personal e-mail on behalf of a local theater: “I wanted to let you know personally that we enjoyed your callback the other week. Even though we weren't able to cast you this time, I highly encourage you to come back and audition for future productions... To start working with us and give us the opportunity to get to know you better, click [link deleted] and tell us how you'd like to get involved.” In other words, we didn't cast you this time, but come work for us for free and we might consider casting you next time. Still, it was nice of someone to let me know personally that they enjoyed my callback. Except that it wasn't personal, it was sent to multiple recipients. Oh, and one other detail: I didn't have a callback at that theater.

Just Say Yes

The audition was going very well, I thought. I felt energetic, confident, and I had them smiling and laughing in all the right places. Then they asked me to sing. I guess I knew it was a musical when submitted myself for an audition, but the notice didn't say anything about preparing any music, so I thought they were just casting non-singing roles. But there I was being asked to sing, so I stood up tall and straight, threw back my head and belted out a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday, Mr. President." So far, they haven't called, but at least I stepped up to the plate and took a swing. Today, I auditioned for an amusement-park commercial. They auditioned actors in pairs, and when they asked my partner if she would be OK riding roller coasters all day, she actually said, “Can I think about that a while?” Can you think about it? No, you can't think about it. If you have a medical condition that makes it unsafe for you to ride roller coasters, than there's nothing for you to think about. Otherwise, the correct answer is you bet! I told them they'd have to drag me off the roller coaster, and then we became a happy, loving couple having a great time at the amusement park. But as we left the audition room, I was thinking, I did the best I could, but they're never going to pick us as their couple. Can I think about it? What kind of answer is that? Just say yes!