I Will NOT Reject Myself, I Will NOT Reject Myself...

Going on a lot of auditions means opening yourself up to a lot of rejection, so it's tempting to beat the other guys to the punch and reject yourself first. It's really easy to come up with reasons you won't get the part before the audition ever starts: they'll go with someone taller, or younger, or better looking, or more closely related to the casting director, or something. On one recent audition, I was actually a little upset with my agent for sending me. The role: a retarded inbred hick. I mean, come on. I know my type, and that's not my type. What a total waste of time. So, naturally, I had a callback Tuesday. Apparently, retarded inbred hick is my type. Live and learn. Since the callback location was close by my agent's office, I decided to drop in, because I'm that important; OK, because I help out around the office once in a while. Anyway, while I'm there the call comes in for an audition that afternoon. This time, I'm supposed to be a businessman. Of course, I look like a hick. My agent reminds me that I should always have a suit in my car. I tell her that it's a very good idea that unfortunately is of no use to me today. But I do have a somewhat rumpled blazer from a previous job, so I rush to the casting office and give my best, although I'm sure my rumpled appearance is counting against me. But Wednesday morning, I get the callback for the afternoon. So I ran around like a crazy person getting my shoes and car keys — the poor dog was running after me, thinking we were going to go somewhere really exciting — and dashed out the door. Fortunately I didn't have to take time to change clothes — I was still wearing the outfit I had auditioned in. Yep, I had fallen asleep in my clothes. I was the only actor there who wasn't wearing a dark, pinstriped suit, but I didn't let that throw me. I just kept telling myself I was good enough to get the callback in my jeans, boots and blazer, so I should be good enough to get the job in my jeans, boots, and blazer. It would have been nice if I'd had time to wash my clothes, though, or least take a shower. Then again, it's television, not smell-o-vision.