A New Way to Ignore Me

Now everyone who doesn't read my blog, doesn't visit my Web site and doesn't befriend me on MySpace or Facebook has the ability to not watch several videos featuring me on YouTube. Some are old, some are new. Don't check them out http://www.youtube.com/user/keith4hire.

I Hate Nature and Nature Hates Me

It's too damn hot today. Oh, sure, it's my fault, just because I drive an internal-combustion-powered vehicle for insanely long distances, thereby exacerbating the greenhouse effect and speeding the planet's death spiral. OK, there may be some truth to that, but I'm somewhat constrained in my choice of transportation and residence right now. If I could live within reasonable pedaling distance of where I need to go, I would, all right? Anyway, it's too damn hot to wash and dry a load of clothes today, but the shirt I wanted to wear to the show tonight was dirty, so I decided to rinse it in the sink and let it dry in the sun. (Have I mentioned that it's hot?) But I figured if I hung it up, it would stretch and get awkward little points from where it was hung, so I laid it out on a flat surface. About 20 minutes, later, it was completely dry, unwrinkled, and toasty warm. It also had bird poop on it. That's right, some bird with all day in which to poop and basically the whole world as its toilet decided that it had to use that particular 2-square-foot area during that precise 20-minute span of time. Out of virtually infinite pooping possibilities, my shirt was this bird's preferred place to poop. This was no accident. This bird is malevolent. Watch the skies.

Or come watch our show. It's indoors, so your chances of getting pooped on our vanishingly small.

7:30, June, 20 2008 (Tonight!)
Admission: $10.

Roderick's Restaurant
14131 Redhill Ave
Tustin 92780 (714) 665-2709

Seating is still available, but we do recommend calling ahead if possible. Food and drink are available before, during, and after the show.

What Would You Do If I Sang out of Key?

Here's my first public attempt at musical improv with Improvisation Inundation, recorded at The Office on June 6, 2008.



If that didn't scare you off, you have a chance to see us live this Friday:

June 20, 7:30 p.m.

Roderick’s Restaurant

14131 Redhill Ave
Tustin 92780

714-655-2709

Admission: $10. Reservations recommended. Food and drink available before, during, and after the show.

If the Minivan's Rockin', Don't Come a-Knockin'

Will Jill and Matt find happiness In the Driveway? Melanie Cruz and some guy star in a short film by Michael Sasso.

Smoking is Hazardous to Your Health

So it turns out the fluid in a hand-held smoke machine is really, really hot. Who knew spontaneous combustion could be dangerous? But today the marks on my arm don't look any worse than some I've gotten while taking a steak out from under the broiler, and they should be gone in a few days. Other than the scalding and inhaling oily vapor, it was mostly a fun shoot(Other than that, how did you enjoy the play, Mrs. Lincoln?), and I was well fed and met some interesting people, including an 85-year-old woman who wants to take me hang-gliding.

Mind If I Smoke?

I got a call yesterday from someone at a production company I worked for about a year ago, and he asked if I could worked for them again on Friday. I told him I might be able to and asked for more information about the job. He said I would be playing the part of a man who burst into flames. I told him I was going to need more details. He assured me that special effects would be used and I would at no point actually be set on fire, which was a relief, because I would have had to have asked for a lot more money. But maybe I'm making too big a deal out of it. According to David St. Hubbins, dozens of people spontaneously combust each year, it's just not widely reported.

Tonight's Top Story

I co-wrote the first sketch of tonight's (Sunday, June 8) performance of The Big News Report, a news-based sketch show playing at IO West at 9 p.m.!

I.O. West
6366 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028
(323)962-7560
map
order tickets

"The Office": Upcoming Episodes

Here are three chances to see me in another improv show. If you haven’t seen me in an improv show yet, here are three more chances not to see me.

Of course if you DO decide to show up, that would be super, just be sure to call ahead and make reservations. We had to turn people away from the two most recent shows. I don’t know what happened to them, but I can only hope they found the will to keep on living somehow. The cost of admission for each show is $10, and full food and beverage service is available. Come early and eat, drink, and be merry.

Saturday June 7, 8 p.m.
The Office Sports Bar & Grill
2106 North Tustin Avenue
Santa Ana 92705
714-834-0943
http://maps.yahoo.com/maps_result?addr=2106%20North%20Tustin%20Avenue&csz=Santa%20Ana%2C%20%2092705

Friday June 20, 7:30 p.m.
Roderick’s Restaurant
14131 Redhill Ave
Tustin 92780
714-655-2709
http://www.rodericks.biz
http://maps.yahoo.com/maps_result?addr=14131%20Redhill%20Ave&csz=Tustin%2C%20%2092780

Saturday July 12, 8 p.m.
The Office Sports Bar & Grill
2106 North Tustin Avenue
Santa Ana 92705
714-834-0943
http://maps.yahoo.com/maps_result?addr=2106%20North%20Tustin%20Avenue&csz=Santa%20Ana%2C%20%2092705

http://myspace.com/improvisationinundation

I'm starring in The Office!

That's right, The Office. No, not the hit NBC series, the restaurant and bar in Santa Ana. I'll be performing as part of Improvisation Inundation.

May, 17 2008 - 8 p.m.

The Office Sports Bar & Grill
2106 North Tustin Avenue
Santa Ana , CA 92705
Cost: $10

[Map]

We suggest arriving by 7 p.m. if you’d like dinner before the show. Drinks and food will also be served during the show. Try not to chew too loudly.

Sox and the City

I attended an AIDA acting class this week. If I had known we were going to be asked to take our shoes off, I would have been careful to wear matching socks. One thing we were supposed to work on in this class was sex appeal, and I'm not sure how sexy you can be wearing a pair of mismatched socks. Anyway, one of the exercises we did was a mock blind date. Now, if you think going on a blind date is awkward, imagine going on a blind date and being evaluated by a room full of near strangers. Then imagine that, halfway into the date, you hear the group leader ask,“Is he boring you?” Usually the voices like that are in my head and not audible to everyone. Yesterday, I appeared on The Sonny Bozeman Show as part of Improvisation Inundation, making our local public access television debut. It was my first time on live TV, but one of the hosts helped put me at ease by saying that the four people who usually watch the show are pretty nice. Anyway, all the games seemed to work and we got some very encouraging comments from the crew. Then I zipped up to Los Angeles to work in a short film starring Laura Dern and directed by Courtney Cox. I was a guest at a rooftop New Year's Eve party. In the attached blurry cell-phone photo you may be able to discern my “date,” the camera mounted on a boom behind us, the U.S. Bank Tower, and my enormous forehead.

On TV in the LBC

I'll be appearing with Improvisation Inundation on a local cable program in Long Beach. Normally, I would include information such as the name of the show, the channel on which it will air, the time... stuff like that. But all I know for sure is that we're supposed to be... somewhere... between 3:30 and 5:30 p.m. on Friday. I think we can safely assume the show won't air before then. And my research seems to indicate that it will be on channel 65. Or 69. Unless it's on 95. So, my advice would be for everyone to move to Long Beach, subscribe to cable, hook up three TVs, and watch until we come on. You should probably begin preparations ASAP.

Salomaybe? Salodefinitely.

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending a special screening of Salomaybe?, an amazing film about Oscar Wilde's Salome, but really about so much more. About 12 years ago, Al Pacino made an acclaimed documentary film called Looking for Richard, in which he attempted to analyze and illuminate Shakespeare's Richard III and make it more accessible and significant to a modern audience. In this film he gives a similar treatment to a lesser-known play by a lesser-known playwright (well, less known than Shakespeare, at any rate). But it's not just a movie about a play. To get to the heart of the work, Pacino turns the spotlight on its creator and unravels the threads of pride, passion, and shame that tie the author and the work together. Along the way we get fascinating looks at the art and the business of theater and cinema. Inevitably, it also becomes a study of Pacino himself as he clashes (good-naturedly, mostly) with his collaborators, including stage director Estelle Parsons and leading lady Jessica Chastain. Early in the film, Chastain expresses concern that she looks like she's being difficult as she argues in defense of her vision of the character and the play, and the maneuvers of these three artists sometimes create interesting parallels and contrasts with the relationships at the center of Salome. But it is all justified by Chastain's performance of the play's climactic monologue, which is one of the most shattering performances I've seen recently on stage or screen. I don't know if the Academy would ever give an acting award for a performance in a documentary, but it's something to consider. I could keep writing about this movie, but since it was a private screening of a work in progress I probably shouldn't go into too much detail. After the screening, Mr. Pacino said he'd see us all in six months for the next cut. It's a complex film, and I suppose it's inevitable that the released version will be simplified somewhat, but hopefully not too much. As it stands it's a rich, multi-layered reverie on a sometimes difficult and perplexing play by a sometimes difficult and perplexing man.

Don't Bathe Your Cell Phone in Dr. Pepper

First, last night I was in the best improv show I've ever been in. Thanks for inviting me into your club, Improvisation Inundation! We performed in "The Great Room" at Roderick's, and the turnout was larger than anybody expected, so the show was delayed while extra chairs and tables were brought in and the servers tried to catch up with everyone's food and drink orders. By the time we started, the early arrivals had had about an hour and a half to get liquored up, which may have increased the overall level of hilarity. But it was also a good show because everyone in the group was energetic, knew what they were doing, and worked as a member of a team instead of trying to be a star. I'd also like to thank my personal fan club for coming out to support me: My mother, my father, and Bart. OK, it's not a huge fan club, and Bart was actually coming to the group's performances before I joined so I'm not sure he counts, but hey, support is support.

Second, I want to warn everyone against trying to wash their phones with Dr. Pepper. Oh, sure, it's a delicious tonic that restores vim, vigor, and vitality, but it's not so good for integrated circuits.

I have a new Motorola Razor now, which means I'd be really cool if this were a year ago. But I've lost most of my contacts. If you want to keep in touch, please send me at least one phone number where you can be reached. You may also include alternate phone numbers and e-mail and postal addresses.

Otherwise, it was nice knowing you and have a nice life!

Cheers,
Keith

I'm Back! Who Cares?

For the first time since last time, I will be appearing in an improv troupe on an OC stage this weekend. As an added bonus, there will be full food and beverage service! The more you drink, the funnier I get.

I will be appearing as part of Improvisation Inundation at:

Roderick’s Restaurant
14131 Red Hill Ave., Tustin
(right off the 5 freeway at Redhill)

Saturday, April 19

Doors Open at 6 p.m. for Dinner & Drinks
Show Time: 7 p.m.

Admission is $10 at the door, but be one of the first 5 people to contact me ahead of time and I'll get you a $2 discount! (Limited time offer.)

My improv career began with a workshop and productions at the late, lamented Second Stage in Anaheim, where I met all kinds of wonderful people. (Hi, Bart, Caitlin, Cambria, Carolyn, Celeste, Dino, Jasper, Joey, Mary Margaret, Robert, Susyn, Theresa, Toni, and Vern, in alphabetical order), but my first really structured classes were at The Second City in LA. (Hey, Booter, Fairly, Megan, and Wendy.)

For about a year now I've been acting exclusively in shows with scripts, but the fine folks of Improvisation Inundation have convinced me to once again cast away the crutch and venture into the deep end without a net. Who knows what hilarity might ensue or what metaphors may be mixed?

Stopping Traffic

Yesterday I worked on a short film addressing some of the issues surrounding human trafficking. It's being produced by members of a Korean-American Christian ministry for a film festival and DVD distribution. I'm pretty sure it's the first time I've been an active part of a Korean-American Christian ministry of any kind, but who knows what the future may hold.

I Spent the Night Making Love in a Minivan

Doing it in a minivan can be awkward. Doing it in a minivan with a stranger, while another stranger crouches inches away evaluating your performance and giving you instructions, another films every move, another records every sound, and people outside the minivan shine bright lights at you and watch the proceedings on a video monitor, really kills some of the romance, and by hour 6, the thrill is largely gone. No, I am not doing porn. It was a short comedy film, with no nudity. The monkey business was implied. But it did require assuming and holding some rather awkward positions, and I'm more than a little sore this morning.

Nothing Personal

A couple of days ago I got this very personal e-mail on behalf of a local theater: “I wanted to let you know personally that we enjoyed your callback the other week. Even though we weren't able to cast you this time, I highly encourage you to come back and audition for future productions... To start working with us and give us the opportunity to get to know you better, click [link deleted] and tell us how you'd like to get involved.” In other words, we didn't cast you this time, but come work for us for free and we might consider casting you next time. Still, it was nice of someone to let me know personally that they enjoyed my callback. Except that it wasn't personal, it was sent to multiple recipients. Oh, and one other detail: I didn't have a callback at that theater.

Just Say Yes

The audition was going very well, I thought. I felt energetic, confident, and I had them smiling and laughing in all the right places. Then they asked me to sing. I guess I knew it was a musical when submitted myself for an audition, but the notice didn't say anything about preparing any music, so I thought they were just casting non-singing roles. But there I was being asked to sing, so I stood up tall and straight, threw back my head and belted out a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday, Mr. President." So far, they haven't called, but at least I stepped up to the plate and took a swing. Today, I auditioned for an amusement-park commercial. They auditioned actors in pairs, and when they asked my partner if she would be OK riding roller coasters all day, she actually said, “Can I think about that a while?” Can you think about it? No, you can't think about it. If you have a medical condition that makes it unsafe for you to ride roller coasters, than there's nothing for you to think about. Otherwise, the correct answer is you bet! I told them they'd have to drag me off the roller coaster, and then we became a happy, loving couple having a great time at the amusement park. But as we left the audition room, I was thinking, I did the best I could, but they're never going to pick us as their couple. Can I think about it? What kind of answer is that? Just say yes!

Strike News

Frank and Larry return, but this time Frank is a TV anchorman and Larry is a striking writer. Or is that the other way around? Oh just watch it your own damn self and see. Thank you.

I Will NOT Reject Myself, I Will NOT Reject Myself...

Going on a lot of auditions means opening yourself up to a lot of rejection, so it's tempting to beat the other guys to the punch and reject yourself first. It's really easy to come up with reasons you won't get the part before the audition ever starts: they'll go with someone taller, or younger, or better looking, or more closely related to the casting director, or something. On one recent audition, I was actually a little upset with my agent for sending me. The role: a retarded inbred hick. I mean, come on. I know my type, and that's not my type. What a total waste of time. So, naturally, I had a callback Tuesday. Apparently, retarded inbred hick is my type. Live and learn. Since the callback location was close by my agent's office, I decided to drop in, because I'm that important; OK, because I help out around the office once in a while. Anyway, while I'm there the call comes in for an audition that afternoon. This time, I'm supposed to be a businessman. Of course, I look like a hick. My agent reminds me that I should always have a suit in my car. I tell her that it's a very good idea that unfortunately is of no use to me today. But I do have a somewhat rumpled blazer from a previous job, so I rush to the casting office and give my best, although I'm sure my rumpled appearance is counting against me. But Wednesday morning, I get the callback for the afternoon. So I ran around like a crazy person getting my shoes and car keys — the poor dog was running after me, thinking we were going to go somewhere really exciting — and dashed out the door. Fortunately I didn't have to take time to change clothes — I was still wearing the outfit I had auditioned in. Yep, I had fallen asleep in my clothes. I was the only actor there who wasn't wearing a dark, pinstriped suit, but I didn't let that throw me. I just kept telling myself I was good enough to get the callback in my jeans, boots and blazer, so I should be good enough to get the job in my jeans, boots, and blazer. It would have been nice if I'd had time to wash my clothes, though, or least take a shower. Then again, it's television, not smell-o-vision.